Where do I go from here?

I've said it before that my class in Grand Haven has meant the world to me. Being my first class they will always be special to me but there were things that we went through that made them even more important to my teaching. And yesterday my class could not stay out of my mind.

I got to help out at Allendale Field Day yesterday. I love working with students and I got to see a lot of my students from St. Luke's, from my first class who are now finishing 5th grade and I worked with them in 2nd. It was awesome to see them outside of church and interact with them. Yet it was also overwhelming. This one day was my first time that I worked with students since I have been home. My mind was everywhere. I was missing my Ida's Valley students in South Africa and I kept thinking about my Grand Haven students. While I was engaged with the Allendale students I was having a hard time really engaging and have complete fun.

And then my mind went from being somewhat overwhelmed to extremely overwhelmed. One of the first classes I worked with was having a lot of fun and we were working to get classmates through the spider web. There was one girl in particular that stepped up infront of the web and started chatting with me. She was really friendly and really excited to be there, and my eye could not be draw away from her.

Her hair was a deep strawberry blonde and quickly my mind went to Jack's sister. Her hair was so different from most children. The color was a deep strawberry blonde turning  more red the family said as she aged. Anyone would first notice her hair and then her small but powerful smile. And the one time I meet her I noticed her shy smile and beautiful hair. This girl I meet in Allendale looked so much like Shelby, who we lost too soon.

So this little girl in Allendale was drawing my mind to think about Shelby, which made me think about Jack and then think about my whole class in Grand Haven and what we went through. So my overwhelmed feeling was now extreme and I wanted to walk away and just cry but how could I do that and not have fun with hundreds of students?

I was for sure in a funk the rest of the day. Not wanting to think about it but was being drawn to think about it all day. And by the end of the day my overwhelmed feeling crashed. I couldn't do it anymore. I talked to Laura and we agreed it was a sign from Shelby and my class that I ran into this girl on Tuesday.

But where do I go from here? My class in Grand Haven will always mean the world to me. And each year I will have to work to "let go" of another class, but I don't want to let these students go. When I said goodbye to them in March I knew I would be seeing them in May when I got home from South Africa and now it's hitting me that my goodbye has come.

My fear is that when I go into a new school in the fall I will have a hard time adjusting to that class with everything that I went through with my Grand Haven class and in South Africa. So where do I go from here?